Feeling insecure about something you would like to be good at?
You might think: I am just not good at speaking in front of large groups, I am just not an athletic person, I am just not good at approaching new people, I am just not a good writer, I am not good at handling money etc.
Well, if those are things you are not interested in doing, who cares? But if they are things you would actually like to be able to do, but feel insecure about, it’s worth taking a closer look.
Chances are, they are things you can learn.
In some cases it’s more obvious. When we clearly view something as a skill we can acquire, for example sewing, or learning certain dance steps, we are more open to the possibility of becoming good at it.
If we view something more as a talent, or a personality trait rather than purely a skill- being a good friend, being a good public speaker, being an outgoing person, who likes to approach people – we might not believe that is something we can learn, but they actually are. Trust me.
I think all of these are things you can learn to be, if you want to and enjoy the idea of being good at it. Here are three steps that can help.
- Decide you want to become that kind of person. The kind of person, who is good at what you would like to be good at. There is a difference, if you only want to become good at a skill or if you want to evolve as a person in general.
- Find fun ways to actually learn your desired skill. Now, this might seem obvious, but so many times the belief “I am just not good at that” stops us from even trying. Start by reading a book, watching online tutorials, taking a class, or hiring a coach. Find a way that excites you and suits your current situation. Few people are simply good at something. Most people learn and practice and practice and learn some more and continuously grow their skills in an area that excites them.
- Don’t pressure yourself. Set yourself a long term goal for change, and start with small learning steps.
You might think: I would love to be the type of person, who is good at public speaking.
Thing is, you have a work presentation coming up next week!
Now instead of pressuring yourself into being good at giving presentations by next week, set yourself a more long term goal. 6 months for example. Anything before that is learning time. Choose an aspect you want to learn by then and then try it out. You are allowed to screw up, as long as you learn from it. Any opportunity (or obligation to speak) is practice. Notice where your are actually good at something, notice where you need more skills and practice.
Pressure is not going to help you learn faster, so be easy on yourself and enjoy that you will become that kind of person for whom this is easy sooner than you would have thought possible.
In all of this remember: How do you want to feel?
How do think it will make you feel to be good at the thing you desire? Activate those feelings now. Do other things that evoke the same feelings. Fill your growth process with these feelings.
If learning and growing feels good, you know you are on the right track. If it doesn’t feel good, stop. Find the way that’s right for you, and feel free to reach out for support in shifting your mindset around it.
Enjoy the possibilities : )