Allowing myself to get unstuck
Half a year ago I really wasn’t doing good. I thought I was completely stuck in a system that didn’t make any sense – the Covid regulations at the kids school were absurd, my strong willed kid refused to comply with the expectations of mandatory schooling and showed us in every painful way possible that doing things that are in complete contradiction to your true self is absurd, I felt misunderstood, lonely and desperate trying „to make things work somehow“ in a system of requirements and regulations. Of course I also shamed myself with the „you should know better, you should be able to deal with this better“ self talk…
And then my wife Joanna asked me the magical questions: „Joy, what would you actually like to be doing? Instead of ‚making things work‘, what would you rather do?“
I was hesitant to face it – because how could I dare to imagine beauty and ease, while I am stuck in a global pandemic? How could I dare to imagine change, when it was so hard to keep things together in the presumed safety of the last remaining routines? It is a self-protection mechanism, to block yourself of from your true feelings and desires, and it requires trust and a sense of security to allow yourself to listen to what you really want. Joanna offered me the trust that I was lacking in my anxiety. She managed to hold that space for both of us and I dared to admit that this is what I would rather be doing: I want to be in a warm and sunny place, I want to do things on my own terms, I want to feel safe, I want to have space and I want to homeschool the kids.
Joanna was clear about this way before me and as soon as I was able to overcome the fear and join her in the clarity of this desire – we knew how to turn our thoughts into action. Two months later we left for Portugal and I can’t describe with words how excited and grateful I am about this turning point.
My current reality looks like this: We live in a rooftop penthouse apartment, with a huge terrace and a 220° view of the Atlantic Ocean. It is a 7 minute walk to the beach – not just any beach but Nazaré North Spot, the place of the worlds largest waves, with dramatic and beautiful costal lines. The town is not just incredibly picturesque, it is also empty. We can freely walk in the streets, nothing feels crammed, I feel safe and spacious. We homeschool our kids, I feel like they have learned more in the past months than in the past two years and I am so excited and grateful to accompany them in this learning journey. We found some great online classes for them to feel connected with the outside world and as a family we are getting along. We structure our days on our own terms.
We are still in a Pandemic. We are actually in full lockdown, with stores and restaurants and anything cultural being closed, we are not allowed to leave town. We wear masks anytime we leave the house. There are travel restrictions everywhere in Europe and friends can not come and visit.
Yet we move through this pandemic in the most beautiful spot I can imagine being in right now.
I don’t need to idealise things. I still have my ups and downs, I can still get anxious or feel stuck in the pandemic – yet when I take a walk outside and see where I am and how I am living my life – I also know this is an incredible moment in my life. All of my feelings are valid and welcomed.
The pandemic forced us as a family to become crystal clear again about what we want, what we are willing to put up with, where we are willing to make compromises and where we have an intense desire for self-determination and creating opportunities.
Living by the beach and homeschooling our kids didn’t just happen – we chose this. And while six months ago I thought this wasn’t possibly an option, Joanna reminded me it is.
My job is to coach people to live their individual version of a great life. I coach people to trust in themselves, to let go of the limiting believes that no longer serve them, to learn how to fully embrace their emotions and turn their ideas into actions. I don’t pretend it is always easy, fluffy and anything is available at your fingertips. Yet I encourage you to allow yourself to imagine and admit what you truly want, even if you have no clue yet how that can be possible for you.
I know on a personal level that life will keep on presenting me and challenging opportunities for change and growth. I don’t have things all figured out and from time to time I also need someone to hold the space for me to trust and allow. I continuously practice being true to myself, I practice asking „how do I want to feel about this?“, I practice being brave and taking the steps to move in the direction that I want. And it wonderful to be able to pass this on to my clients and accompany them in their journey.
If you are interested in personal support – I offer coaching sessions over the phone and through video calls. You can learn more about coaching here on the website and you can directly book your introductory session at a 50% discount.
Joy Zalzala-Soyka – I am a Law of Attraction coach and a multicultural, lesbian mom. I work across Europe and North America, offering you personal sessions over the phone, and books & articles here on www.evolve.how.
Get in touch with me today and let me know what’s on your mind.
Steps I took to make full-time travel with family my reality.
StickyEvolve,Real Life Stories
July 8, 2016
Does this thought sound familiar? “I would love that, but it's just not possible for me.”
It sure occupied my mind a year ago, when I first thought of traveling long-term.
0 Comments9 Minutes
Managing Time: Balancing Realism and Quantum Magic
September 19, 2023
Me to my wife: Hey, so you know how Lucky (our 10 year old) always says that she perceives the passage of time differently? That is totally a thing! Yesterday in my ADHD training we talked about time blindness. Many with ADHD perceive time differently than neurotypicals - they may just experience the passage of time differently and oftentimes they don’t have a good estimator of how long things take, which can cause a lot of stress due to over- or underestimating in their time planning.
I talked with a client later that day, where this actually came up, and she wants my help with time management and I am so glad I learned more strategies to help clients get more realistic at estimating time.”
And then my wife gives me that look, a look that is appreciative yet about to give me a challenge: ”Well… do you really want us all to be more realistic? Or can we keep magic in life, acknowledge quantum physics, that time is not linear and you can help your clients to manifest more time?”
Oh, I had to sit with this question for a while!
0 Comments6 Minutes
Inner Journey – Sessions
May 4, 2023
Access your body wisdom through
Inner Journey - Sessions
Want you connect to your inner source, take an inside look around your own body for wisdom and knowledge, process painful memories and gain strength and clarity for your next steps?
That is what Inner Journey sessions are all about!
We meet on zoom for a 2 hour session, you get to sit back and relax, and I guide you through a powerful process that is powered by your own body wisdom.
My Inner Journey sessions are based on the “Physical Journey” process by Brandon Bays, who I trained with a decade ago. Our body holds so much wisdom. If you ever wondered why you can understand things with your mind, but that does not help you shift your emotions or actually change how you do and approach things, the answer may lay in your cellular memory.
An Inner Journey allows you to get answers from your own body, let go of the charge of painful memories, access forgiveness for yourself and others and strengthen your mind body connection.
I integrate a 3 hour Inner Journey session in my monthly coaching packages, and my 2 hour Inner Journeys are available to all clients on an individual basis. Feel free to contact me, to learn more about Inner Journeys and how they can help you in your process.
0 Comments2 Minutes
Decision Fatigue and the 100 Day Dress Challenge
August 9, 2021
Decision Fatigue is a thing. It is something many of us are struggling with in this continuous time of pandemic and it is something that I know very well since having had a burnout. Read how wearing the same meriono dress for 100 Days in the row offered a space of clarity and simplicity.
0 Comments5 Minutes
Spiral Upward
January 5, 2021
You know how sometimes it feels like you are running in circles? The same topic keeps on showing up again and you feel frustrated because you think you should know better. You feel like you failed at applying all the insights you have had last time you have dealt with this topic: You ask why am I at this point again?
0 Comments6 Minutes
I am worthy
LGBTI,Evolve,Real Life Stories,Let go
December 4, 2020
I am worthy. Three simple words that are hard for many of us to say and feel.
If you have experienced structural violence or discrimination in your life, chances are that it has had effect on your self worth. You might feel that no matter how much you do - it is never quite enough, that you are not deserving of having nice things, of being truly happy, of pursuing the things you want to do, that you are not deserving for things to be easy for you.
So let me remind you: You are worthy.
0 Comments2 Minutes
My child just came out to me! What do I do?
LGBTI,Evolve,Real Life Stories,Let go
October 26, 2020
My daughter told me she has a crush on another girl.
My son just told me he is non-binary.
My child came out to me as pansexual, I'm not sure I understand what that means!
WHAT DO I DO?
0 Comments8 Minutes
Black Lives Matter
Evolve,Real Life Stories,Let go,LGBTI
June 15, 2020
Black Lives Matter and we need visionary activism. Law of attraction teachings need to embrace activism and offer ways to change systematic oppression
0 Comments4 Minutes
Free Email Series on Relationships
Evolve,Real Life Stories,LGBTI
October 24, 2019
While I have 10 years of experience as a relationship coach and counsellor, there are a lot of things I am personally still figuring out about living in a good relationship, being a good partner and mom while staying connected to myself.
0 Comments3 Minutes
Travelling as a rainbow family
Let go,LGBTI,Evolve,Real Life Stories
September 16, 2019
What I would like to share with you today is the specific situation of travelling as a rainbow family. It was more challenging than I thought for reasons I didn't expect...
0 Comments16 Minutes
I just wanted an uncomplicated affair!
LGBTI,Evolve,Real Life Stories,Let go
November 8, 2017
Ten years ago I was done with relationships. In my experience relationships were hard work. I just wanted an uncomplicated affair - which led to me meeting my wife...
0 Comments5 Minutes